Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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