Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
