How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
