i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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