Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
