You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
