Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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