evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize