I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The uberlube is also flammable
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
