I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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