i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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