You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
