Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
