Swine flu. Run for my life!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
