his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
