To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
