i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
