you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
