If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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