Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
