it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
