Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize