i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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