he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
