She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
