super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
