i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
