I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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