what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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