I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize