dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
