You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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