how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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