if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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