That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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