you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
