does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
