we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
