i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize