She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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