all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
