Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
