the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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