I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
