people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
