Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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