dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
