I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
