better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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