I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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