I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
