you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
