Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
