I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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