I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
