Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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