my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
