i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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