I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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