I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
