Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
