I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
