Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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