wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
