apparently the secret to your success is patron
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
