she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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