The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
