Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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