I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
