i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
tell me about the eggs
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