hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
