my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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