i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
