my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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