did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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