do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
