well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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