Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
