I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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