how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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