While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
