This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
