last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
