I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
