It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
