Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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