The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
