Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
