I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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