Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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