If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
