Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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