You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had to cum in my sink.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
