I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
