yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
