Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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