Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
