Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize