Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
