..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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