and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
