party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
