where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize