We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize