tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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