Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
