You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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