Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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