New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
