I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
