i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
