half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
