If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
