Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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