fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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