and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
